The Power of TED (*The Empowerment Dynamic) by David Emerald (2012) has been such an amazing tool when working with coaching clients. It gives us a language we both understand, and an understanding as to how someone might be showing up in the world through their reactions and behaviors. The book lays out, and contrasts, the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) and the TED roles.
The diagram to the right shows how we can often (unknowingly) move between roles as a rescuer, persecutor or victim. These behaviors can be disempowering and keep you stuck in the same patterns of thinking and behaving that are not helpful. They create tension and disharmony within. We don’t realize we are carrying around so much baggage, and presenting in these ways, until someone (usually a life coach) helps us with this insight. We can spend our time and energy trying to save and rescue everyone, to then feel let down when others don’t reciprocate (putting you squarely in the victim role). We can become punishing towards others because of our own frustrations and emotional baggage, not realizing how damaging this can be to all parties involved. Or we can become stuck in ‘being’ the victim, presenting in such a way that life is unfair and everything is done ‘to us’. These are all very limiting mindsets and can hold you back in life, work and relationships.
The good news is that there is a flip-side to the DDT roles in the TED roles. Embracing these roles, instead of the DDT roles, and shifting your mindset from a negative, stuck one, to a more positive, proactive one can be life-changing. The Rescuer becomes the Coach, the Persecutor becomes the Challenger and the Victim becomes the Creator. Being able to be the creator of your life, instead of the victim; let go of the need to rescue others and stop being mad at those around us is a much more positive way of living, I believe. It takes work & constant effort.
The shift in mindset from the DDT to TED, and embracing a creator mindset, can increase personal growth and self-awareness, leading to increased confidence and a better understanding of personal strengths. By letting go of rescuing others, which doesn’t serve them either, you can have healthier relationships, with improved boundaries, which reduces conflict and a blaming culture. The creator mindset can help you embrace a more proactive attitude, allowing you to take more control of your life. You can be a solution maker, rather than playing problems round & round in your head – which is exhausting! By letting go of old beliefs and patterns, you can reduce your stress and anxiety, helping you to have a more positive outlook on life.
Top Tips for Being the Creator of your own Life:
Start choosing how you react, rather than just reacting in the immediate.
Allow yourself time to respond – breathe!
If you are feeling as though you are in the victim role, think about how you can look at things differently. How can I be the creator in this situation? What are my options? How can I empower myself, rather than disempowering myself? What do I want?
If you are mad at someone, and feeling like a persecutor, challenge yourself and your intentions. What is true about this situation? What might I be misinterpreting from old beliefs? How can I support this person?
Instead of jumping in to rescue everyone, be curious. What is my intention by doing everything myself? Is rescuing putting me back into the victim role? Am I needing to be needed? How can I empower others?
Learn how to say no, respectfully, or ask for help. By doing this you are also respecting yourself and your needs. Practice till it sticks!
Read The Empowerment Dynamic! It’s a simple, short read, and so worth it!
If you feel you need help with anything mentioned in the blog, please feel free to schedule a free discovery call with me, and let’s see how life coaching can really help you make the shift!
Author Bio
Laura is a professional, certified life coach. She is passionate about helping people get unstuck & out of their own way. She is a collaborative & heart-based life coach. As a previous therapist, and now coach-for-life, Laura brings deep insight, experience and appreciation for people with diverse challenges. If you are looking for a coach to help you shine in the world, then reach out for a free discovery call, to see how coaching with Laura could help you. www.laurahaywoodcoaching.com
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