Embracing self-love this Valentine's Day

What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than to give yourself the gift of love? Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have, and not one you can get away from. Most of your time is spent listening to your thoughts, beliefs and stories about yourself and the world around you. It’s your own, internal running commentary. If you don’t love and accept yourself, others will find it difficult to also. By not loving yourself, you are doing yourself, your life and others around you a disservice.

Let’s talk about the downside of NOT embracing self-love. Here's how this can show up:

• Lacking in self-compassion by continuing to ‘buy into’ the same old negative stories - AKA being super harsh and critical of yourself in how you think, speak, look, behave…

• Constantly seeking external validation, because you don’t feel good enough about yourself to believe in you.

• People pleasing – trying to keep everyone else happy, at your own expense and wellbeing, so you can feel a bit better about you, but really you end up feeling resentful. No-one else is ‘in’ on your secret resentment because you haven’t actually valued yourself enough to voice your needs and feelings.

• Hanging onto negative stories and outdated beliefs (if they were ever really true anyway) that started from someone else, and are not true or helpful anymore.

• Generally, not feeling good enough most of the time (which circles back to external validation and people pleasing to try to feel good enough).

• Not honoring yourself by not showing up in a genuine way, that honors you and others.

• Getting stuck in a cycle of blaming others for you not feeling good enough and, therefore, not having patience or space to have healthy relationships with others.

That’s an emotionally exhausting list! These are short-lived, temporary Band-Aids to a lack of self-love/not feeling good enough.

Now let’s talk about embracing self-love. Self-love is so much more than feeling good about yourself.

• It is actually being kind to yourself, having self-compassion and respecting yourself, especially when you make mistakes!

• It is actually giving yourself permission to, and embracing your own unique self and worth, independent of others’ opinions.

• It is allowing yourself to set healthy boundaries for your emotional, physical and mental wellbeing.

• It is changing the internal dialogue, and flipping the script, from a negative, critical voice to a positive and compassionate one. It's your voice, choose what, and how, it speaks.

• It is owning your strengths and being proud of them.

• It is embracing your imperfections. Perfection simply does not exist. We have all overcome challenges, and how you grow from them is how you become resilient.

• It is owning your mistakes, feeling grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow from them, rather than blaming others or crumbling and continuing the cycle of feeling not good enough.

• It is valuing yourself enough to get enough sleep, exercise and good food.

• It is allowing yourself to have fun and find joy again.

• It is allowing yourself to say no to things that drain you, or just don’t align with you anymore.

• It is forgiving yourself, and giving yourself the freedom, to not carry around past mistakes like some old luggage that you feel you have to drag around, weighing you down. You won’t forget, but you are human, and we all make mistakes. You can have compassion for yourself and learn from the mistakes and move forward.

When you embrace self-love your confidence grows, your relationships improve, you create healthier boundaries and feel better about you. You stand a little taller and let go of caring so much about what you think others ‘maybe’ thinking of you. You may need to reread that sentence. I did! You are usually incorrect in your assumptions about other people.

This is a daily practice and a journey, not a complete destination. Some days will be easier than others. When you are struggling, re read this blog and embrace the affirmation below, or create one that is unique to you!

“I am good enough. I am worthy of love, respect and compassion for me!”

Final thoughts – Since you can’t escape the relationship with yourself, why not make it a good one? Start small, be patient and kind and compassionate to yourself. You are your own beautiful, unique self.

Author Bio

Laura is a professional, certified life coach. She is passionate about helping people get unstuck & out of their own way. She is a collaborative & heart-based life coach. As a previous therapist, and now coach-for-life, Laura brings deep insight, experience and appreciation for people with diverse challenges. If you are looking for a coach to help you shine in the world, then reach out for a free discovery call, to see how coaching with Laura could help you. https://www.laurahaywoodcoaching.com