Changing season, changing you! How long change really takes.
- Laura Haywood
- Oct 1
- 4 min read
As fall is in full swing, and the leaves are falling, it’s a great time to consider what you also want to let go of. The imagery of shedding the old, to make way for new growth is always present for me at this time of year. But, change does not happen overnight, especially when we want to let go of long-standing habits & mindset. Practice, consistency & commitment are what you really need.
How long change REALLY takes?
It is not 21 days! That’s a sound bite and not grounded in research. If you’ve ever started to make changes, whether it’s setting more boundaries, creating an exercise routine, practicing meditation & mindfulness, you’ll be well aware that change does not stick to a schedule. It ebbs & flows.
Often, great progress is made in the early days, then you find yourself slipping back and giving up, feeling this isn’t working and going back to your old ways that you really wanted to change. This can be self-sabotage. Sometimes, it’s easier to stay the same because it is familiar & easier than changing. Change can be challenging. It takes time, commitment & motivation, & a willingness to show up, do the work and stick with it, even when you slip.
How long DOES change take?
The answer is ‘It depends’. Let’s look at some research and how you can make change stick for you.
A University College London study in 2009 found that the average time for a new habit to become automatic is 66 days. Here’s the caveat, this also depends on the person, the context, individual behavior & what they are actually trying to change. These factors lead to change taking between 18 to 254 days. There is no wonder why New Year’s Resolutions usually don’t stick.
So, if you are 2 weeks in to creating change, and thinking ‘this isn’t working’, you are just human & not allowing yourself the time, space and permission to change.
Change is NOT linear!
We like to assume that change travels in a straight line.
Set goal - take action - achieve habit - never look back. This is unrealistic for most humans.
The reality is that change is actually more of a loop.
Start – struggle – adjust – relapse – try again – slowly embed – eventually shift – still slip (less often) – change sticks.
This is not a straight line either, you can go back & forth until the change you want sticks.
There is research to back this up too. Prochaska & DiClemente (1983) developed The Stages of Change model, which outlines the challenges of change in the loop of action, relapse, reflection and retrying before we can get change to stay with us. As a lot of my blogs say ‘practice till it sticks’.
If you feel you’re wobbling, and things aren’t working, you are human. Give yourself grace & time. Remember the leaves need to fall to make way for the new growth.
What makes change stick?
Research, coaching practice & experience can help guide you. Here are some ways to start making changes.
Start small – If you try to get to the end goal from the starting gate, you’ll likely not create lasting change because you overcommit, become overwhelmed and give up trying. Realistic first steps are important to build upon. Take one walk a week, meditate for 30 seconds, practice breathing for 3 deep breaths…
Make it real – Tie your new habit/change to a cue like a reminder in your calendar, when you make your morning cup of tea (or coffee), your lunch hour
Shift the mindset behind the change – Don’t just DO the thing begrudgingly (even though you say you want to change). Start shifting your mindset & identity to embrace that this is the change you want. “I am someone who meditates, protects my peace, has boundaries, who exercises…’ Stop identifying with how hard it is & embrace who you want to be & why it is important for you (health, improved relationships, value yourself over people pleasing etc…)
Let go of perfection – If you miss a day, it’s not the end of the world. Do not use it as a reason to give up. Give yourself permission to reset. It’s the resetting that helps your neural pathways shift, not the falling off the track. Take the first step again. Eventually you will slip less often!
How long will it take YOU?
With full transparency, it takes as long as it takes. Everyone is individual. Some people have habits & beliefs that are more ingrained, and have been there longer, than others. Some people are stuck in a self-sabotage loop, and that needs to change before the other shifts can start. It takes time to get out of the ‘change is so hard’ mindset and shift into embracing ‘I am changing, I do set boundaries, I eat healthily…”
In my experience what can help is:
Change is easier when you give yourself permission to change and have compassion for yourself
It is more sustainable when you stop trying to prove something and start living from your values & what you truly want
It will be easier when you stop asking “How long will this take?’ and start asking ‘How can I support myself today?’
Patience, intention, practice and commitment. Practice till it sticks, and keep practicing!
Start noticing the leaves falling and ask yourself ‘what do I need to let go of?’
Laura is an ICF professional, certified life coach. She is passionate about helping people get unstuck & out of their own way. As a previous therapist, and now coach-for-life, Laura brings deep insight, experience and appreciation for people wanting to move forward with meaningful change. If you are looking for a coach to help you shine in the world, then reach out for a free discovery call, to see how coaching with Laura could help you. Rooted in therapy, powered by coaching, focused on you!
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